i got home like half an hour ago.. and i am super drenched from walking in the rain. i liked it, it made me feel liberated; from what, i dont know. i think my shoes are ruined, though. *sob* i knew i should have worn my boots this morning.

anyway..we had no school yesterday, and i of course slept in. my friends and i actually planned on watching a movie--saw 3--but i when i woke up that day, i was just very reluctant to go. i mean, i just wasnt in the mood, i guess, and i didnt want to pay for a movie i've seen just 2 weeks ago. also, i thought that maybe seeing it would bring about a certain amount of discomfort to me, considering i saw that movie with *him*.

so yea. i ended up not going (i faked sick), and they ended up not going as well. how sad. sunna was chewing on my ass this morning..but what else could i do but apologize and carry on with my lie? lol.

sigh.

as for *him*, well, we talked yesterday..it was a bittersweet conversation with a lot of pauses in between, although he of course was the one who initiated it. he was still cold. gawrsh..i wish i knew how to figure this whole thing out. i'm trying to not let it get to me, but i still felt quite upset when he didnt show up at my school today. i'd like to think that it's because of the rain, but i dont know.. i dont know anymore. i dont even know where we stand. if he doesnt wanna be my friend, fine.

the one thing i can smile about, though, is the fact that there are no classes tomorrow and friday. i can breathe, i think. there's like minimal homework, and my schedule is filling up fast..i'm going to the skate rink with cousins tomorrow..and i'm planning to watch a movie on friday with my friends on friday (recompensation. lol).

...

why am i the one who's becoming emo right now? wtf? i keep telling myself to lay off the freakin topic, but i think of it anyway. i even had the nerve to write and talk about it! seriously..i am mad at myself. for thinking of him, for thinking of ALL sorts of things. and i mean all.

i'm becoming more and more aware of my seemingly schizo state right now..so i'm gonna end this entry already.

anyway..i am currently famished. i feel like baking brownies all of a sudden. should prove to be therapeutic, yea.

bye.

wasitalljustadream?